When I was five years old, my daddy entered me into my first race. When the whistle blew, the kids right and left of me shot forward like bullets at a target. They were strong, aggressive, and capable. I was weak and little. I came in last.
Standing alone on the race track, I felt lost. I felt lost, because I did not PLACE anywhere in the competition. I was not RANKED, GRADED, or RATED. I believed that I did not rank, because there was something lacking inside me: an essence that failed to manifest me…a center that failed to establish me…a core that failed to give me worth. The winners around me all seemed big, bold, and beautiful. They were strong, colorful beings with radiant, confident smiles that seemed to shine with a glory that came from inside of them. They all had flashy auras that deemed them first and best. But I had no grand, inner magnet to attract those around me. I exuded no energy, no brilliant light, and no powerful force, on the inside, to make me big, bold, and beautiful. Therefore, I concluded that I needed to come up with an inner glory of my own, on the inside, that would surround me with splendor, on the outside.
My inner glory consisted of Self-Defense, Self-Righteousness, and Self-Esteem. These qualities became the LAW—a belief system that stated that the glory attained by ability and achievement would grow into Life, inside of me. This LAW was meant to provide the essence that would manifest me…the center that would establish me…the core that would honor me.
But, Self-Defense, the built-in mechanism that was supposed to make me win, was filled with hatred and jealousy. Because of it, I always lost, even when I DID win. Self-Righteousness, the set of beliefs that were supposed to make me beautiful, was consumed with pride and prejudice. As a result, I felt ugly, from the inside-out. Self-Esteem, the system of comparison that was supposed to give me worth, on the inside, was loaded with fear and despair. In the end, I was left with a heavy load of anxiety and strife that weighed me down…all the way to my knees. So, I prayed: “Lord Jesus, who am I? Since I did not place anywhere in that race, as a child, I feel discharged…dismissed…displaced, as an adult. I feel empty, dull, and flat, on the inside. There is something missing in ME. There is no glory…no grandness…no splendor in me. What do I need, on the inside, in order to make ME big, bold, and beautiful? What is YOUR Truth?”
And it was here, on the race track of busyness, lost and bewildered, where the Lord Jesus found me. He said, “My Child, I love you so much. You do not need Self-Defense, Self-Righteousness, and Self-Esteem to establish you, on the inside. You only need Me. I made you small, weak, and empty, to I may fill you with My Self—the Big, the Bold, and the Beautiful. Invite Me in to become your Law of Life…and you will be big, bold, and beautiful, too.
FOR IN HIM DWELLETH ALL THE FULNESS OF THE GODHEAD BODILY
What does YOUR inner glory consist of?
PRAYER: Lord Jesus, I come to You, small, weak, and empty, so You may become in me Big, Bold, and Beautiful.
Maintain an Awareness
The Bible calls it the OLD MAN. It makes us feel like a powerless CHILD. It is the reason we believe we are abandoned, bad, rejected, and shamed. It is the reason we feel mad, bad, and sad. It is the reason neither life, nor death, makes sense.